How the Church "Prayed the Gay Away"
For years, the phrase “pray the gay away” has been associated with the idea that same-sex attraction (SSA) can be erased through prayer alone. But what if the real issue isn’t just the expectation of change, but how the church’s approach to prayer has actually driven LGBT/SSA individuals out of Christian community?
Many churches have prayed for LGBT individuals to be “delivered” without realizing they’ve also prayed them out the doors. Instead of creating a space where SSA believers can grow in holiness alongside the body of Christ, the church has often replaced discipleship with distance, love with discomfort, and real relationships with silent exclusion.
Here are ten ways the church has, knowingly or unknowingly, prayed LGBT/SSA people away instead of drawing them in:
Praying for Change Without Presence
Churches pray for LGBT individuals to experience transformation but fail to engage them in meaningful relationships. Prayer without discipleship makes people feel like projects rather than valued members of the body.
Weaponizing Prayer as a Fix
Many are told that if they just pray hard enough, their same-sex attraction will disappear. This mindset treats prayer like a transaction rather than a tool for spiritual endurance.
Ignoring the Struggles of SSA Christians
Churches often assume that SSA individuals are uninterested in holiness, focusing on changing their attraction instead of supporting their commitment to faithfulness.
Unwelcoming Culture in Small Groups
Many small groups celebrate vulnerability but grow silent when SSA believers share their struggles. This unspoken discomfort pushes people to find community elsewhere.
Avoiding Conversations About Sexuality
When churches ignore biblical discussions on sexuality, SSA Christians feel invisible, uncertain of where they belong, and unsure how to live out their faith.
Public Condemnation Without Private Care
Some churches boldly preach against LGBT identities but fail to personally disciple those wrestling with SSA, leaving them without spiritual guidance or support.
Overemphasizing Marriage as the Ideal Christian Life
Churches often treat marriage as the highest calling, making SSA believers feel incomplete rather than affirming singleness as a meaningful, God-honoring path.
Offering “Freedom” Without Teaching Holiness
Testimonies of heterosexual transformation are celebrated, while stories of faithful celibacy or obedience are ignored, discouraging those who are still navigating their journey.
Creating a Culture of Fear Around Honest Testimonies
SSA believers fear rejection, gossip, or exclusion when sharing their struggles, leading them to withdraw rather than risk vulnerability in Christian spaces.
Assuming SSA Means Acting on It
Many assume that SSA individuals are actively sinning, failing to acknowledge those who are striving to live faithfully in obedience to Christ.
The church is called to be a place of truth and grace. Instead of praying people away, we need to pray with them, walk alongside them, and disciple them in the faith. LGBT/SSA believers, like all Christians, need community, accountability, and encouragement to pursue holiness—not distance and dismissal.
We must ask: Are we creating a church where people can confess, grow, and remain, or are we passively praying them out the doors?
It’s time to stop praying people away—and start welcoming them into true, Christ-centered discipleship.
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